“The need for control is a powerful motivator, even when it can lead to harm” – well said.

This can easily be related to those lovely and beautiful mothers who wish to hold a control over everything around them. Be it their home chores, their kid’s schedules and activities, work, their partners happiness or in-laws responsibilities.
They want to do it all for two probable reasons. Firstly, the pleasure of controlling can be addictive. Secondly because we have been made to envision a particular image of a “Perfect Women” or a “Perfect Mother”.

Right from our childhood which is brilliantly canvassed as a woman who can be a nanny, maid, driver, security, counselor and works 24 hours 365 days a year. Getting in to this “Perfect Image” frame is a constant pressure from all across the society and family and this demand is so deeply imprinted in our mind that it metamorphosis in to our character. Hence once a mother we all start the race to get there. Mind you, this applies to both working and stay-at home mothers.

Another notion which many women carry is that others wouldn’t do the work as good as they do and so it’s best to do it yourself. A perfect example was Sarala who was a stressed out mother. She had this irrational obsession that only she could do things perfectly. If she delegated any task to others they wouldn’t do it as good as her. Poof!

Motherhood –
“Motherhood is a choice to put someone else’s happiness and wellbeing ahead of your own” a very true and heart-warming statement. Basically this applies to every mother under the sky who is the epitome of selfless love, sacrifice and utter devotion.

Having said that, it is also imperative to understand that you may be going through the six months postpartum anxiety or have 6 or 16 year old kid, a mother is a sculptor of not just her kids future but also responsible for her own evolution and personality. It can be tedious yet satisfying to self-do those endless to-do-List tasks. Getting your child ready in that perfect uniform, cooking their meals and tiffin, dropping and picking them from school, doing the laundry, re-stacking their cupboards, helping with their homework, driving them to after-school activities, taking care of your partners meals, cleaning the house etc., etc., however, what you expect from your choice of overclocking yourself is not quite often what you get back.

I have particularly seen this trait in woman around me who takes pride in doing-it-all themselves. Irrespective to the fact that she is grinding herself my neighbor Pushpa believed doing a to z is their tradition and she should never ask for help. She also assumed that her husband will not help and hence never asked for support too.

Another strange instance which struck me was when my friend Mani who lives in the US and has two sweet kids. It’s a well-known fact that hiring maids in US is quiet a pinch in our pockets and so she did everything all by herself. Well, what I actually found weird was that she was overwhelmed by the fact that on Sundays her husband vacuumed the house. And I thought that domestic work was the responsibility of both the partners.

Some other cases I couldn’t agree to were of Usha who lived in a joint family, yet did the entire house chores herself. Am glad she at least spared herself and took help from her co-sister on those three days of periods.

Pros and Cons –
Mind you ladies, there can be pros and cons of the “Choose All” Concept. Have you ever thought that while you are only looking at the plus side of being a Super mom, there is also another side to the coin which might be disappointing?
While you are being completely aware and in control of your domestic life, your child’s growth, devoting your entire time to your loved ones and providing them with utmost comfort. The cons can be much more damaging though. Feeling of boredom and living a monotonous life can get you to feel down and disheartening. Running around and trying to do every task yourself can result in huge stress which may get you to a stage of having differences with your partner and getting to be down and out.
Strike a balance!

So Ladies, strike a balance so you are not burnt-out. Recognize your limitations, assumptions and preferences because if the choices we make aren’t real, sooner or later we will go under. Take a break and stop trying to be the perfect diva who meets every ones expectations. Cut down on your to-do list to a manageable number. Prioritize what is important and what is not and learn how to delegate the less important tasks. Outsource your laundry, get a maid and a cook, do not hesitate picking up a pizza or a burger sometimes and permit yourself to slow down and stop being a Super Women.

It’s time to stop focusing on being perfect and enjoy the special moments with your loved ones and with yourself.
Motherhood is not a marathon which needs to be raced up every minute and won. It is a special journey which is going to be beautiful if every moment is cherished.